


Feeding is Caring

by RainbowArches



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 17:59:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2702084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowArches/pseuds/RainbowArches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How to cope, how not to cope, Phil's death, his resurrection, and the fall of Shield.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeding is Caring

Maria ate dinner at Nick and Job’s place most nights. She didn’t used to come over so often, but when she did Phil went with her. Or sometimes the three of them would eat at Phil’s. Maria’s place was out of the question. She hated to cook. Now she went to their house on her own. She felt like a kid observing the marital troubles of her parents, letting them think they were pulling the wool over her eyes, though they must know they weren’t fooling her. They had never underestimated her before and they were a little more obvious than they thought they were.

They remained close and attentive, taking turns between the stove and helping Maria set the table, until Nick brought Job onto the Tahiti project. They were never particularly demonstrative, just openly comfortable with each other, which was why Maria liked hanging out with the two of them. She went with Phil to one of Audrey’s concerts once, and went with him backstage to meet her. She could see the effort it took to dial down the tooth-rotting sweetness. She went to see Audrey the first free moment she got after Phil died. She knew they were close but she hadn’t expected the feeling of something missing from her, of something stolen from her.

When Job got involved with Tahiti Maria only ate with them a couple of times. He was jittery and quiet. Nick was absent most of the time. When they were together they seemed strained. Maria found Nick asleep at his desk several nights. She spent her nights with Clint and Natasha until they sorted themselves out. She tried talking to May, but she was keeping to herself even more than usual.

Maria stayed away while the doctors operated. Nick and Job came back shaken every time. She couldn't bring herself to watch, not even to hold their hand. She could keep it in good faith that the operations were working and that Phil would be back with them soon enough, but she knew better than to watch. Tha would make it too reel. Someone had to be able to function around here. Nick and Job had no appetite anymore. She bought them each a pizza, then saw how ill they looked and gave them to Clint and Natasha. She made them sandwiches intsead. That was the extent of her culinary abilities. She understood their need to overcompensate thier work load when they left the operating table, but it would be disaterous if they didn't start eating soon.

One day Phil was walking around, working and joking like he'd just got back from vacation. He was fine, his normal, cheerful, nerdy self. Maria didn't feel how she thought she'd feel. She'd expected some overwhelming sense of joy and relief. She just felt like everything was back to normal, but she was on edge, like she kept expecting something bad to happen. She saw it in Nick and Job, too. They were back to normal, acting like everything was fine, but she could see behind the screen their guilt and worry over something they couldn't share or define. May took more of a grin and bear it come what may attitude. Maria didn't talk to Clint and Natasha much for a while, not wanting to see if anything had changed with them. They had not been told about bringing Phil back; didn't mean they didn't know, and the less Maria knew about that the better.

That sense of relief came when Phil started getting angry and asking questions about his treatment. The thing she'd been anticipating with dread was finally happening and she could deal with it. Or not deal with it, as the case may be. She knew Nick was keeping up a front. One day Job put in a request for personal leave, and a few late nights later she found Nick at his desk with a glass of wine, staring glumly into space. She didn't ask what was wrong; she could guess the list. She poured her own glass and joined him.

Maria wasn't a believer, but sometimes she wondered about things like signs and punishment and judgement, and then she wondered if she was missing the point entirely. Was there a deeper meaning to the Hydra infestation? Some purpose for it that was connected specifically to her? She tried not to dwell on that too much. In the end their were more Hydra agents than there were Shield agents. Some were people she had known and trusted, most were people she's barely said two words to. She asked Nick once the excitement was over if he regretted anything. He thought about it and said it was hard to regret anything when there was no way of knowing what might have been. They had coffee and donuts at his grave, which probably had several weird conotations that Maria didn't feel like thinking about. She made him promise to find a doctor before he did anything to daring or stupid. He seemed to get the hint. He made her promise not to murder Stark, he was still kind of neccessary. She promised to try. That was the last they saw of each other for a while. She ate meals with the Avengers now. She was surprised and relieved at how casual dinners at Stark tower felt. She'd expected more glamour, but she could have showed up in pajamas if she wanted. Still, she missed eating with Nick and Job. She was still waiting for these meals to feel as homey as those.

 


End file.
